Tuesday, November 8, 2011

You Don't Know Jack (er...Charlie)

You know how you can be with a mom and her baby and she says something like, "oh, that sound means he will be ready for a 4 ounce bottle in about 25 minutes," or "she'll go down around 4 and wake up between 5:30 and 5:40." Well, either they are totally full of shit or I am missing something about this parenting thing. There's also a third option, Charlotte is a genius with a great sense of humor (I'm obviously going to assume all three are true and run with that).
 I started trying it early on...I AM her mom, after all! But I quickly learned that I made myself look like a know-it-all, dumb-dumb every single time. If I said nothing, it may or may not be what I thought, but if I say it, she flips it. Now, since no one has mentioned my child being exceptionally odd (exceptionally gifted -yes, exceptionally cute - of course) I can assume she is on the spectrum of normal babies, proving that the other moms are full of shit. Although I have seen other moms (I'm looking at you Auntie G) be correct, even with MY child (now I'm glaring at you), so there's proof that I'm missing something...or I just haven't fully caught on. And finally. there is no other explanation of how things that are damn near guaranteed (even while writing this blog) she will not do if I say they are going to happen...my proof of evil genius-ness. See? I ran with it. My muffin top suggests I do another kind of running, but we'll leave that for another discussion.
 So here are the examples (although these are all within the last week, and this phenomenon has been happening since she was just a second line on a stick:
 1. Me to my mom, after giving her the run down on a gnarly, 4-day-in-the-making dookie from the night before: "no it's not an issue, it's normal for breastfed babies to wait a few days to poop - that is just her schedule now" [cue the runny toot noise from the backseat]
2. Me to my dad, when he suggested maybe the lights in the office wake her up when I negligently allow her to fall asleep and nap on her play mat next to my desk, "no, she's a cat napper, that's just how she naps - in short little bits- plus if I pick her up to put her to bed, she wakes up" [within the hour I take her from the swing to her pack and play, and she proceeds to nap for 2 hours]
3. Me to the stranger in the elevator, when asked if she sleeps well (and why do people ask this? Mean old sadist want to hear my woes?) "She sleeps through the night." [except for the past week, basically since I said that, but considering we're dealing with the end of daylight savings...it doesn't matter, evil genius I tell you!]
4. Me to my dad (again...maybe I just need to stop talking to him), "she is guaranteed to laugh at the clappy game," [clappy game, CLAPPY GAME...stare]
Dr. Evil planning to conquer the planet 
So this all goes to prove...I don't know this little girl at all, but it's SO much fun watching her, and one day I will earn the Rockin' Mommy badge, not by teaching her to tie a bow or how to spell her name (E-V-I-L G-E-N-U-I-S), but by calling her next move.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

3 Months and the kick off to Holiday Season

I have very few posts in the last three months, and not from lack of excitement in our world. I won't try to write an excuse...if you have a 3 month old, you probably get why anyways. In fact, just last night I got to the super duper floor cleaning of our bedroom (including under the bed) that I have been WANTING to do since I was pregnant. Stuff just has to take a number now...and only one little nugget pulls #1 every time.

This week C had her first big holiday at 15 weeks. I dig Halloween for a few reasons...first- it kicks off the holidays and all the decorating that ensues. Second, coming up with a good costume is fun - more fun when Auntie G and her husband, Red Fox, have one of their kick-ass parties (ahem...)- last year's resulting in C herself!
Charlotte was a spider - I made the costume a la Martha Stewart, using men's dress socks, some pins and hand stitching, and a bag of fiber fill...the costume came out awkward and big, but she wore it a total of 30 minutes all day anyways. (Side note: why is it impossible to find black clothing for babies?) I was "Charlotte's Web" (get it?!), and if I had thought it out...Jake would have been Wilbur. But I didn't - shoot me.
C started trying to roll to her tummy - a place of disdain up until now - in the morning, and by 5pm had achieved rolling. I was beaming, almost unnaturally with pride...that is until bed time, when she rolled over to her tummy almost immediately. Now, I have even dispensed the advice - "once they can roll over, they are fine to sleep on their tummy" but when you see it, a big, flashing, neon "SIDS" sign appears in your mind. I was afraid to lay her back down (did I mention I swooped her up fast enough to scare the bejesus out of her?) and needed a "let the kid sleep!!" text from Auntie G to loosen my grip. I checked her about 5 times that night and she never rolled over again. I've come to the conclusion that it's going to be rough being a GENIUS's mother...ah, well, that's the price you pay, you know?

Now we are just starting to prepare for J's big 3-0 and the holiday season. I've already had to put a moratorium on grandmas buying anymore Xmas outfits...'Tis the Season!