I started trying it early on...I AM her mom, after all! But I quickly learned that I made myself look like a know-it-all, dumb-dumb every single time. If I said nothing, it may or may not be what I thought, but if I say it, she flips it. Now, since no one has mentioned my child being exceptionally odd (exceptionally gifted -yes, exceptionally cute - of course) I can assume she is on the spectrum of normal babies, proving that the other moms are full of shit. Although I have seen other moms (I'm looking at you Auntie G) be correct, even with MY child (now I'm glaring at you), so there's proof that I'm missing something...or I just haven't fully caught on. And finally. there is no other explanation of how things that are damn near guaranteed (even while writing this blog) she will not do if I say they are going to happen...my proof of evil genius-ness. See? I ran with it. My muffin top suggests I do another kind of running, but we'll leave that for another discussion.
So here are the examples (although these are all within the last week, and this phenomenon has been happening since she was just a second line on a stick:
1. Me to my mom, after giving her the run down on a gnarly, 4-day-in-the-making dookie from the night before: "no it's not an issue, it's normal for breastfed babies to wait a few days to poop - that is just her schedule now" [cue the runny toot noise from the backseat]
2. Me to my dad, when he suggested maybe the lights in the office wake her up when I negligently allow her to fall asleep and nap on her play mat next to my desk, "no, she's a cat napper, that's just how she naps - in short little bits- plus if I pick her up to put her to bed, she wakes up" [within the hour I take her from the swing to her pack and play, and she proceeds to nap for 2 hours]
3. Me to the stranger in the elevator, when asked if she sleeps well (and why do people ask this? Mean old sadist want to hear my woes?) "She sleeps through the night." [except for the past week, basically since I said that, but considering we're dealing with the end of daylight savings...it doesn't matter, evil genius I tell you!]
4. Me to my dad (again...maybe I just need to stop talking to him), "she is guaranteed to laugh at the clappy game," [clappy game, CLAPPY GAME...stare]
Dr. Evil planning to conquer the planetSo this all goes to prove...I don't know this little girl at all, but it's SO much fun watching her, and one day I will earn the Rockin' Mommy badge, not by teaching her to tie a bow or how to spell her name (E-V-I-L G-E-N-U-I-S), but by calling her next move.