Monday, May 23, 2011

Useful Distinctions

Ok, this seems to be a particularly difficult one for some people (or something other people can identify with TOO much). One of these things is a baby and one is a circus monkey. One has the ability to talk at some point, and one jumps higher and has a tail. But here's where people get is employed purely for your enjoyment and entertainment, and one is NOT. The other happens to be my sweet little nephew Aidan - but here, he represents all people roughly his size (primordial dwarfs in the entertainment business excluded).
Now, it may be a little early for me to get irked about this, but a)I'm annoyed by everything these days, and b)I can see that it will logically continue to MY small non-primordial-dwarfed person.
As much as we all enjoy cuddling babies, or playing with children, or seeing pictures - none of these are the sole purpose of these little creatures. Sure, we love them, so hopefully people understand looking out for their best interests or simply not making them a spectacle.
Already, Charlotte has taken a strong stance on performing for others. She's not willing to do it...she flat our refuses. She can be doing what I can only imagine is the dance of some highly caffienated tribe, but when anyone, include Mr. P or Auntie G try for a peek - she goes statuesque. And you know what? I respect her for that. She doesn't owe anyone anything.

Thursday, May 19, 2011


So this up-front lady-lump, and strange wiggles in my gut are a pretty tried and true indication that I am HAVING a baby. However, there are also too many signs to ignore, that indicate I am actually BECOMING a baby instead.

First sign, the sleeping. At first, all I did was sleep - it was an insatiable need. I could easily fall asleep while eating or sitting on someone's lap. There was no limit - I slept. Now, a few more months later...I can't seem to get on a sleep schedule. I can take a 15 or 20 minute nap here and there, and at night, I am up with no sign of the sandman.

Second sign, the eating. First I was eating a lot all the time...then I didn't want to eat anything...then I ate, but everything came back up. Now I'm picky about something different every day, but always up for dessert.

Third sign, the tears. You'd think I sprung a leak. I cry when I'm tired, sometimes if I'm too hungry, if something hurts, if the day ends in "Y", and if your look says to me, "you're fat." I can switch from happy to weepy in an fact, sometimes it's NOT a switch, but a continuation.
And finally, the potty. I have to go all the time. I'm a pee machine. That either makes me a baby or my brother...cause he's a 34 year old pee machine...but I digress. I have to go at inconvenient times...when driving down the road, when shopping, when I've just walked OUT of the bathroom, in the middle of the night when I can't get out of bed. And sometimes, I'll admit...I have an accident. *GASP* chose to read this...even after that barf post.
So, I have decided this is a continuum of the theory that pregnancy gets you ready for having a baby. I am not only up all night, but I'm constantly hanging out with a pee factory who doesn't like what I packed for lunch by noon and cries without any indication of what is wrong, other than the sun has once again risen. Go figure...

Monday, May 16, 2011

Auntie G's Wisdom: From the Mouth of Babes

So I already wrote a long, drawn out, poor me, wha-wha blog today and decided against posting it. It wasn't even funny-pathetic, just plain pathetic. Then I remembered a part of yesterday that I will never forget. I had my first shower yesterday and it was great, but this was before my shower. I got to Auntie G's early so we could drive together (my DD duties have been so sparce in the last 8 months!). I chugged some juice and we layed down to see if Charlotte would dance. Enter Sammy, Auntie G's third successful attempt at an awesome little boy. Sammy is a baby loving cuddle bug. He stopped his football game to remind me I had a baby in my belly when I arrived. He came in to see if he could feel her kick too. She didn't kick him, but he flew back as if she did. I told him he could talk to her and she would hear him. He said hi to her and asked me if she (Charlotte) liked him. I said yes, and he said he loved her. He looked at Auntie G and said he was in that belly. Until she barfed (complete with gagging motion) him out. Ahh so sweet:)

*this is actually Sammy, at age 3, getting ready to barf up cake while I laugh hysterically
6 years ago he was in that belly...and roughly right around the same week of the year as Charlotte will be joining us, Sammy started getting ready to get "barfed out." Auntie G and I sat in that same bed, her belly the big lump that time, contractions coming and going, waiting to meet SAMUEL/AVERY. Now Sammy is in the bed with us...tall, smart, and ful of personality - waiting to meet Charlotte.
Seriously sappy moment.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Cheat Day

I don't have much to write. I'm trying to be more positive and that drains a lot of funny out of this experience. I know I've already exhausted the subjectof swelling (as well as the comments and the hurling) - but this just kept coming to mind, so I had to share it. This scene is a very close portrayal of me simply walking in the door from work lately. Plus, it's just one of my favorite scenes ever (although I would watch Golden Child over Big Trouble in Little China any day, if pressed to pick an Asian crime 80's flick). And this is literally what I see my face and hands do by the end of every day...

Monday, May 2, 2011

29 weeks (one artist's depiction)

I'm 29 weeks pregnant. Same as 20 or 24, just bigger. Although last month, according to Dr. Skinny & Cute, I only gained 3 pounds- I would have to imagine it breaks down to +12 pounds water weight that gives my face, hands and feet distinct and oh-so-sexy Shrek-like features, +2 pounds in body hair, -5 pounds in lost brain matter (and therefore function), -3 pounds in unexplained tears, -5 pounds in continued spewing, and -3 pounds in lack of make-up or many other forms of standard up-keep.
I could bitch and moan some more, although I am enjoying all her movements and getting excited about seeing her, and DYING to buy her stuff.
I could bitch and moan about moving while pregnant, although everyone is doing their best to help and be generous and I am incredibly lucky in a million trillion ways.
I could bitch and moan about loss of sleep or general discomfort, but what the hell did I think I was signing up for? Plus, I recognize that this would be wildly insensitive to those who have REAL trouble with pregnancy.
So, for today's break I just did an artist's (the artist being yours truly) rendition of what I sometimes imagine is inside of me. And if it isn't totally clear by the picture...I do very much love this kid already.