The First Half. A Summary.

Let me start this by saying, I have had the intention of keeping a pregnancy blog all along - partially because such an awesome yet disgusting experience creates material that writes itself (even if the ink is 90% puke) and partially because I am obviously in the minority by thinking all the people I've ever met at keggers or work meetings or went to the fourth grade with for a week, now known as my "friends" on a general social network site might not be interested in the ins and outs (literally) of my pregnancy. Actually, I know for a fact that most people I give details to, don't care at all. Sometimes I just need to say outloud these outrageous things that are happening, to check to see if they are real. The fact that this is being started 4 days before I hit 20 weeks (the 1/2 way mark to the layMEN), is a testament to the fact that I really am, in fact, knocked up.





So...I may go back and tell some stories...and my DH (from here on out known as Donor/Husband, not Dear Husband) will tell you I may tell some of them twice...or constantly. Whatever. But for now, I'll start with a semi-brief summary.





Tinkle on a stick. Two grown adults spend WAY too long trying to determine if the hint of blue smudge we both see exists in the real world. Dribble on at least 4 or 5 more tests to confirm that we are "those" stupid people the pregnancy test commercials talk about - but we don't believe exist. I personally keep my possible secret close to my heart for all of an hour before flood gates open up. I think I feel a little tummy ache and am either tired, or just really relaxed - pregnancy is easy. I should make sure to dress cute and always put on make-up, no reason to let myself go. It must not be real - and there is spotting to prove it. Darn, no "honeymoon activity" for a couple weeks. All of a sudden I am rushing something invisible to the naked eye residing inside my body to the doctor because I am worried about it?! Not even a thought about myself - that's NOT normal. I find out all is ok, and my hormones are increasing at a slighter faster than normal rate - weird, I can't tell at all. My first indication of any change... out of no where I can smell, not only the dog poop - but the grass it rests on - from the couch of our upstairs apartment. Wow, that's cool. Wait, why does my husband's deodorant smell like rotting flesh? And so does the garbage can - no, it's the FRIDGE! And how did whatever is in the fridge and DH's deodorant get into the water coming out of the faucet? and the elevator at work? Oh, crap I'm gonna barf. I'll just brush my teeth -again. Maybe a shower - again. Maybe a popsicle, rice, bread, oatmeal, eggs, soup. Nope, nope, nope, nope. Everything makes a return appearance. And I have SIX weeks left of this right? That's awful. Cancel everything. Cry about it. Attempts at Thanksgiving and Christmasand any form of sex result in more crying and washing puke out of various things. Those wrist bands are a crock. All I want is ice water, all the time. I get tired and cry, making me puke. I stash plastic bags everywhere...I cry when I have to try eating. Working actually hurts, but I have to be superwoman. Oh shit, I suck at being superwoman - FAIL. PUKE. Puke, Puke, piss-piss, Puke, bloody nose, pee, puke....isn't this supposed to be over? Oh NOT at 12 weeks like you told me before? Not at 14 or 16 either? Or 18? No answers huh? At least the food I'm gonna see again is starting to taste good - as others start to notice. Nope - not twins. Not my last trimester. Really? I find it STUNNING that you didn't show this much for 7 months and never once threw up. Tell me more...PLEASE. I don't feel violent at ALL - it's just a look I get. It goes well with my new beard and overall layer of body hair. Why do my pubes now think they belong around my bellybutton?! Where's my car? Where's my keys TO my car? Why did I walk out here again? I'm failing at all of this - oh, I don't have to enjoy pregnancy? Thank goodness, cause I don't.







And, that brings you pretty much to now in my pregnancy. In life - I am discovering that I married the right man and I'm lucky to go through this ride (and when I say ride, imagine that trippy boat ride in Charlie and Chocolate Factory - the original one) with him. So far we've gotten into contract to buy one home, fallen through on that, moved in with my mom temporarily, gotten into contract on another home, and....here we are.