Like a Police Sketch, but Cuter

Like most parents, I'm sure - I am beyond curious what this nugget is going to look like. Not so much (but who am I kidding?) at the beginning, but after it stops looking swollen and red and alien like.
So this is what one website says our baby is going to look like:

I know it's for entertainment purposes only- and very "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Ten Days" (unfortuntely Mr. P is stuck with me!) - but this kid is not 1/2 bad looking!
Just to check my work - and my life decision - I decided to see what my baby would look like if I had been seeded by the leader of the free world:

Check it out!! Mr. P's kid is cuter than Mr. President's kid!
We have baby pics of both of us up in our house. I'm voting for a lot of his gene's (he was the cutest little pouty faced baby)- but not his beard.

A Nice Comment and a Test Run

The other night I was out to dinner with Mr. P - even seeing him in the evening is a rare occassion since he's been remodeling our new house - and enjoying nice enough weather to sit outside. I wasn't really hungry (probably due to eating out for breakfast and lunch that day as well?! - people love to feed the zoo animals I guess!) so I just had a lemonade and some steamed clams- clams I should have greatly enjoyed...but more on that later.
A woman was walking through the restaurant patio to her car and turned to me - feet up on a chair, rubbing my protruding gut and eyeballing Mr. P's beer - and she said, "You look great!" O-M-G! Now family and friends have thrown in the occassional, eyes-diverted, compliment on how I look - but I know they have to. However, for the most part, strangers even more than family, have made comments that included the words "big" or "twins" or "wow." None of which have I appreciated, and almost all of which have caused me to crumple into a ball of hormonal tears at some point when I was alone. This woman made my day. She may have been lying...or had cataracts. I don't care. My first instinct was to...well, cry. I also wanted to run up and hug her, go on and on about how much it meant to me, offer to make her this child's guardian angel...but I just smiled and said "Thanks." That may have been the only time I gave off a hint of glowing...because I was so flattered.
BUT...3 hours later those clams, known now as "possibly the last clams I'll ever eat in my life" began to wreak havoc on my digestive system - not just my stomach - but the whole business. I had completely forgotten how different food poisoning was from morning sickness - but it's different. After a couple of bouts...my mom and I decided I would go in to get all that "business" under control before I got too dehydrated. This would become my Test Run.
First my mom drove me and Jake followed in his car. My mom has a pretty flawless driving record, so she's not a bad driver persay...but going 35 when the speed limit was 50 did not maintain my confidence that I would arrive unsoiled. Mental note - when the real thing comes, Mom can't drive.
Then while I stood in line at the ER, a nurse took one look at me and sent me up to labor and delivery. Apparently, regardless of your issue, if you are a gestator, you go to labor and delivery. I headed off with congrats that I didn't care to correct from the other E.R. residents.
In labor and delivery I got a chance to practice my relaxation (although it probably helped that I wasn't in labor) while they hooked me up to monitors - for the baby, not me. I continued to try to relax while I got NOTHING fun like Phenagrin (a wonderful anti-nausea drug that sends me right to dream land). Then after I passed the drinking water and eating crackers test, I continued to practice relaxing while babies were apparently shooting out at a rate that wouldn't allow any doctors to discharge me.
Mr. P got a test run too. He was supportive...but drank 1/2 my water and cracked jokes when I was trying to sleep. I won't say he failed, but perhaps he would benefit from a few more practice runs.

The Positive Post

I was talking to a friend the other day about HER pregnant friend who doesn't complain about anything - she often forgets her friend is pregnant. These are my favorite kind of pregnant people and I have failed miserably at being one of them. Well, along with "positively" giving up on focusing on, what I have been deeming, my failures - I am also trying to focus on the overall positive and even the positive aspects of this pregnancy (I know - I forgot to tell anyone that there were some of those. Sorry again to all the babies that WON'T be born to some of my closer friends because of it!!)

General Positives:

- I'm married to a pretty cool dude...and by pretty cool I mean, if I hadn't found some toothpaste on the sink, I would have mistaken him for flawless. He's relaxed, loves his girls and is efficiently re-doing our entire new house while working overtime. THEN he comes home and we laugh - at pretty much everything. He said a lot of hilariously WRONG things when I was first pregnant - but that is all forgiven (but in true wifely style, NEVER forgotten!)

- The other trillion people who are also supportive and loving. Sometimes I feel like I have too many people to give them all due attention, yet they are there when I need them - but I'm grateful for all of them.

- My stuff...it's way below people in every way, shape and form - and for them I'd give it up in a second- but I can't see people who go without and not be grateful for the fact that I have a house, a car, the ability to buy clothes and food and even supplies for stupid little crafts.

- The ability to laugh. Things go right or wrong, rarely according to plan. Life is stressful and gross and beautiful and fun, but you need to be able to laugh at all of it - hopefully with somewhat appropriate timing.

Pregnancy Positives:

- I am actually doing this. Not only have I always wanted to do this, but I've long doubted that I could or would for whatever reasons - at least without flubbing it up royally - but it looks like I found one more thing I'm capable of.

- I have had the luck of staying healthy. Yes, I feel as big as a house and sore, etc. And I don't think it's an accomplishment, per say, anymore than fertility issues is a failure. I just happen to be someone who has thus far been lucky in this department. Blood Pressure - good, Gestational Diabetes- negative, anemia - negative, baby growth and heart beat and developement as far as can be told - all good.

- The people around me: my mom babies me, my husband spoils me, my friends and family are genuinely kind, excited or concerned when I need it. People in my life WANT to celebrate with me, they put up with my venting, and they indulge my neuroses. People are generous to a fault with making sure I'm provided for in every way possible.

- Work has been understanding...of puking, of tears, of appointments and leaving early and growing and moods and a few times refusing tasks because I didn't feel like it.

- That the skin on my hands is amazingly stretchy enough to contain my daily blowfish affect. Ok, that was a little negative, but I had to sneak it in, since mid-puff at Sunday dinner, my jolly Father-in-law laughed and said I had "baby hands" - he's lucky he's cute!

- It all comes down to a baby. Every moment, misesrable or not, comes down to a little girl who I can't wait to meet and who I already love. It wasn't instant...it's so abstract at the beginning, but I am amazed at how much I love her already and a little scared and excited about how much I'll love her when she's here.

Now back to the fun stuff....

Auntie G's Wise Words

Ok, so my super bestie also happens to be super mom. Sometimes I feel like I have some super mom in me, just by association (but that will be sorely disproven quickly I'm sure). Auntie G gives me lots of advice...sometimes totally random or in line with her 3-little-boys-having goings on of the day. One day last week, advice of the day was... KISS THE TEACHER'S ASS, EVEN IF YOU HATE THEM

Buy them gifts, make them food, give them stuff...not compliments, they couldn't give a f___ about compliments! Find out if they have a cat and buy their cat stuff. It will make your life so much easier, and never stop, because you never know if the next kid will get them. Hunt the dollar bin and find that cat toy!

It's true though...people with animals love when you give their animals presents.

Too Cute

Mr P has taken to texting both Charlie and I - it sort of melts my heart:)

I know - we're pretty text mushy, but Mr. P is working hard updating our new house- so he leaves for "real" work before I wake up, goes to the new house after work, and doesn't come back until I'm asleep. On the weekends, he's there about 12 hours a day...so our only chance to be mushy (and pick backsplashes) is by text:)

Cloth Diapering

Ok, this is a touchy subject with some people, but I plan on cloth diapering. And then I hear in the back of my head that phrase that starts with "best laid plans..." and I can't remember the rest because of stupid baby brain, but I know it basically says, "haha, way to plan but the universe wasn't on the same page that day and you lose that fight every time." Regardless, I can send people here to see my "plan" so I don't have to explain it, just in case you plan on listening with a dirty look. I have gotten some Kissaluvs size 0 for newborns. They are adjustable with snaps, including a part to fold down at the belly button. I have read raves about these for newborns because they are fitted and help protect against boobie milk blowouts. I'm a little concerned about some inward facing snaps though- however, other cloth diaperERs tell me there are none..so I may be flubbing something up!

They are not waterproof though and still need a cover. I got a couple of Thirsties Duo Wrap because of their reviews, however any diapers with multiple fits seem to get bad reviews for newborns. I think for just me and the day time, I will probably use just the old fashioned prefolds with a cover. I didn't bother with the smallest size because they apparently shrink up a lot. Also, at home, I am going to "try" using wool covers. They are crazy expensive so I am making a few different kinds. The idea is weird...it allows breathability apparently, but special treatment and you don't clean them every time. The pee is supposed to dry out and the wool disinfects itself?! But who am I to question our foreMOTHERS?

After newborn phase, I'm going to probably go to just the prefolds with the covers - the new twist on the old favorite. For grandparents, traveling, and sitters I got the BestBottom Diapers. Mostly good reviews, etc. And just so I keep my expectations low, I am always willing to go disposable if this proves not to work for the baby.

I'm also not using a diaper service...I am planning on either using Ecos from Costco (which I use on our regular laundry) or equal parts Washing Soda, Oxyclean, and Borax. Most people suggest a cold rinse, hot wash, then a double rinse. They also suggest using special rash cream (like California Baby - which they have on Amazon and at BabiesRus) that won't take away absorbancy OR just using a liner (which looks suspciously like a piece of toilet paper). I'm also going for cloth wipes since shit and piss will be in the washer anyways.

So thus far that's my plan. To some it sounds ultra granola...to others, not so much. Some people will make you feel like you're not "up to" this, if you're not also giving birth to a fruit named child in your living room and then breastfeeding said fruit child for 7 years. I'll take some granola, but not the whole shelf - thank you.

Also, contrary to the belief of some people (who are not Mr. P), this is NOT up for debate. I have read a convincingly large amount of literature supporting this as a good alternative for the planet, for children, for expenses...and some not so flattering literature. However, the road to my decision isn't any more anyone else's business than the decision I make. Your babies, your decisions. My baby, my decisions. Period.

Concurrent Gestators

Here are some women in the news who are gestating at the same time as I am...since they are in the news (and by news I mean Celebrity News), they won't wear 11 year old maternity hand me downs like I do, barf in Safeway bags on the way to work like I do, and they are more than likely to go on talk shows and talk about how beautiful pregnancy is (and forget to mention that is when you DON'T need to drag your ass to your desk job daily or CAN pay to wax everything south of your PROceding hairline or have a trainer AND attend 8 yoga classes a week).
Alicia Silverstone of Clueless fame - she's all vegan-y and yoga-y and ratty clothes that probably cost $8million because they are made of renewable hemp and benefit breastfeeding programs for monkeys in the rain forest.

Alyssa Milano from Who's The Boss (and about 30% of 80's boys wet dreams)- I haven't heard much out of her, and I'll give her a break because it's not her fault she's pretty AND the republicans are going to attack her for being unmarried.

Selma Blair from...stuff. I liked her in Sweetest Thing. She has always been really skinny and will probably stay that way through her pregnancy, and then be even skinner 6 weeks after birth...but her babby-daddy is a designer so I wince thinking of having a boyfriend who eyeballs my horrible fashion choices as I grow further from the look of the models he dresses.

Natalie Portman. I couldn't have been more pissed when I found out she was pregnant if she had become pregnant BY stealing my baby. I just knew she would make pregnancy look like meditating, tea-drinking heaven - in a rockin' bod. She has stayed pretty mute thus far though - for her own good, she should keep that up:)

Pink. I love her. And my hair and outfits turn out better than hers...so it's kind of kick ass from two different angels.

But really...at this point I feel big and uncomfortable, they look varying degrees of big and uncomfortable and I can't really hate on any of them. Unless they give birth to boys who try to date my little girl...

Destroy Disney Princesses Before They Destroy Us

I will start this particular post with some cathartic confessing. I have seen every Disney Princess movie up to Mulan. At least 10 of those I've seen more times than I can remember and to at least 5 of those, I can sing the entire soundtrack. Disney Princesses weren't huge in my childhood - I was more the Strawberry Shortcake/Rainbow Bright/Care Bears era. There was Snow White and Sleeping Beauty, but they never got the marketing push until Arial, Belle, and Mulan joined the ranks (oh, yeah - I know their names). I also wanted Arial's hair, and when my shoulder length, green tinted locks flowed in the swimming pool - I imagined I did. I also happened to spend way too much time at way too young an age worrying what boys thought of me, and did more than one stupid stunt to try to be skinny. I never appreciated what I looked like - and looking back, I could have worked the looks angel hard for a few years there in my teens! Ok, confessions done. I don't want my daughter to have anything to do with Disney Princesses. You "been there, done that" moms are probably snickering at me (is it weird to read the word "snicker" while you snicker?!) - but I really don't. I understand she will have tons of influences that aren't her mother and even if I ban all the movies, there's a good chance she will come to me wanting desperatly to own the 42 piece Disney Princess doll set, complete with DVD at some point. But I want with everything in me to keep her away from that. I haven't found the right book (and yes I've looked) that teaches you how to combat all of society's harmful influences on young girls WHILE teaching her sometimes it's fun to have the freedom of acting "girly." It's hard to find back to back chapters, one addressing the need for young girls not to hand out sex to try to be what others like, the next talking about nothing being wrong with HAVING sexuality. And how to foster intelligence, humor and humanity while being fully aware of the power she has just by having boobs! So I chose to start by attacking the Disney Princesses...with this awesome animation: And you can all laugh in my face, when in a moment of weakness, you find me putting this under our non-denominational Christmas tree:

Snoogle: Product Review (of sorts)

5 stars. 10 stars. A million stars if this thing continues to be a soft, C-shaped angel from heaven for the next 3 months! I slept better than I've slept in months with this new pillow. I ditched ALL the other pillows in my arsenal. I can leave it in one place and turn from one side to the other, or rock back and forth to different positions on the same hip without squishing my tummy and the future world leader it contains, or ending up in the dreaded "on your back" position that "they" now reassure you kills your current AND future offspring instantly. I would however like to critique the advertising...specifically the ridiculous images on the packaging (shown above for your convenience). The package also includes a similar one of a woman nearly the same, but in silky, 1960's style, I Love Lucy pajamas. I'm a little shocked their hair isn't up in rollers tucked neatly in an Aunt Jemima scarf. I will say, she's showing how it's used exactly right (except you're not otherwise suspended in thin air). However, and we'll start at the top, what's with her hair? Oh sure, I get it. My hair always looks amazing too...well brushed in a smooth, down-do, with a slight curl under. I plan to have it that way while I lay gazing at my gender neutral baby as well. What perma-ponytail? What roots? What wild, "I-just-finally-made-it-to-sleep-and-now-I-need-to-pee" hair-do? And the outfit...so many things wrong. First of all, not sure it's really worth having a full maternity sleep wardrobe. If you're anything like me, most of your sleep clothes are stretchy enough to fit fine through most of pregnancy. If not, or if you run about the same temperature as the sun, like I do, it is likely you throw on the loosest XL t-shirt from a nearby man's dresser and snag a pair of boxers while you're at it. If you do happen to have some Luara Ashley looking sleep duds for gestation, I would certainly hope they wouldn't be one piece. In fact, it would be a cruel thing for them to even offer those as an option for the more dim-witted. Other than sleep, the thing you spend the most time doing (only because you can eat so damn fast) is peeing. And the socks...they too trap body heat and are hence, one of the many bains of my existance. Finally, make-up, really? I've slathered up my face for a couple functions, but feel like I look like Bozo the clown. Not only do I not have it in me to attempt a made-up look on a daily basis, but I kind of feel like at the point where you are soccer ball round, it looks sort of silly. Not because you shoudn't take care of yourself, but because there is a natural look (i.e. no sucking it in) thing going on that should be kept consistant. Anyways, long, LONG story short - great product, ridiculous package pictures that stir up all sorts of critiques from THIS slightly angry mommy-to-be.